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My Testimony- I hope this can encourage some of you!

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Author Topic: My Testimony- I hope this can encourage some of you!  (Read 887 times)
kelseypiater
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« on: May 27, 2011, 03:18:31 am »

 My testimony may seem radical to some people and yes I agree that not everyone has testimonies like mine, but MANY in fact MOST people are deceived that they are saved because they “love” the Lord and hang around with Christians, have repented from major sin and even share the gospel! This does NOT mean salvation. Test yourself according to the scriptures and see if you are truly right with God so, so many have been deceived by lukewarmness and confidence in the sincerity of their own heart but the heart is deceitful above all else! It seems that my testimony is an offense to most, which makes since because the gospel is offensive! Jesus was said to be a man of sorrows: Isaiah 53:3: He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Jesus himself warned in John 15:18: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. Matthew 10:24: The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. Beware of a “gospel” that is socially acceptable and loved by sinners. True salvation=death. So here is the story of my ‘death’ and ‘re-birth’.

**I want to be clear-I do believe the Lord has been calling me throughout my life even at a young age, but I was not saved until March 2010.**

I was raised in the Christian enviroment going to church from the time I can remember, doing VBS, Awana, Sunday Schools when I was young and was baptized at 12. As I got older church camps, retreats and Younglife were a big part of my life. My family always made it a priority in our lives. All this time I was under the impression that God wanted nothing more from me then ask him into my heart and profess him as Lord. I had several “emotional” experiences where I felt as if I wanted to give my life to Christ but my prideful, ignorant heart would not surrender everything so God could not accept me. I couldn’t count how many times my heart had a “change” at various disciple now weekends and camps. I was riddled with confusion, insecurity and a longing for something; but I was blind as to what it was because I thought I was a Christian and everyone told me I was saved. “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can we know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” 1 Cor. 2:14-15. I had head knowledge about the gospel and the character of God but no heart change. I was walking as an enemy of Christ. Through high school I was involved in the church youth and Young Life but I was in no way a Christian. I began drifting farther from God if it was possible. I became even more prideful and rebellious in these years as my parents can attest to. But to the world I was a ‘good’ person, I was on the dance team, student council, FCA and various other clubs all the while making good grades. After graduating high school I went to the local small college. I was 18 at the time when I met my Dad. He began to help me out with school and financially. I had money now that I never had before and I blew it irresponsibly on my materialistic heart. I moved on campus with intentions to no longer have to obey my parents and seek the college lifestyle. I was accepted into a big sorority on campus, received immediate popularity, eventually got in a relationship that lead to an engagement, and sought out everything I could have with my materialistic heart. I had completely forsaken God and he had turned me over to my sin. “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient” Rom 1:28. Outwardly to the world my life was complete, but my heart had never been so vacant and broken. As King Solomon says in Ecclesiastes “Vanities of vanities, all is vanity!” At this point I began to realize that the endless amount of name brand clothes, raging parties, popularity and the wedding I was planning were all worthless. Nothing ever filled my heart. From the outside looking in I should have been exceedingly happy but I was broken, lost, and empty.

 After the broken engagement I cried out to the Lord to help me I didn’t understand what was going on in my life. I got out of bed and opened my bible that I had not read in a very long time. I found a bookmark from my grandma with the footprints in the sand poem. At one part is says “at the hardest moments of my life of intense suffering and anguish there was only one set of footprints and I asked the Lord why he left me and the Lord replies that is when I carried you”. In that moment I knew God was telling me to leave my life and follow him although I didn’t quite understand what that meant since I thought I was already saved. I was what some call ‘rededicating’ my life. . The following two weeks were the hardest of my life. Between moving out and having to tell people the engagement was broken off. I soon found a campus ministry at the school I was attending at Southeast Missouri called Campus Outreach. I had cleaned up my life from the drinking and partying but my heart was still rebellious and materialistic. I made some of the best friends that I still consider very dear to me; Kat, Nick, Tiff, Kendall, Dustin and Ryan all of which were positive influences in the Lord drawing me to him.

I went to several large events two New Years Conferences and a 10 week discipleship program in Orlando FL. The Orlando Project was held by Campus Outreach was 10 weeks of intense discipleship with bible studies, evangelism training and we went to Universal studios once a week to witness to random people. I was being taught how to lead people to Christ and disciple them but the problem was I wasn’t saved! I have five journals full of prayers I wrote to God during this time crying out to God for him to change my heart and to give me wisdom but because I was so deceived I couldn’t find truth. I couldn’t understand why I still loved the things of the world and had sin in my heart. I “had a form of godliness, but denied the power thereof..and was ever learning but never coming to the knowledge of the truth”. 2 Timothy 3:5,7. At this point I had listened to hundreds of sermons and read several deep theological books by people like Piper.


During the summer of 2009 at the Orlando Project I met a group from Memphis and decided to move there really thinking it was the Lord’s will the way everything worked out. Everything lined up for me to move to Memphis. My parents miracously said it was ok, all my classes transferred and I got into the dorms all within a month before school started. My deceitful heart told me God had made it all possible. So I moved to Memphis in the fall of 2009 and continued in the Campus Outreach Ministry. I was now being discipled by Anna who was gently teaching me and reproving me yet I still did not see my sinful heart for what it was. Nothing much changed in my heart until February of 2010 I was broken over my sin. I read through 1 John several times and listened to a Paul Washer sermon called Examine Yourself (which I had heard about 4 times before). 1 John 2:15 “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world the love of the Father is not in him”. This verse changed my life even though I had it memorized already. I then read Ephesians and several verses struck my heart Eph 4:1 “that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called”, Eph 4:22-24 “that ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts: and be renewed of Spirit AND mind;” Eph 5:8 “walk as children of light”. As well as James 4:4 “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”


At this point I knew something was really wrong. I stopped going to Campus Outreach and spending time with anyone really and begun seeking the Lord on my own I had to figure this out. I randomly met Kevin Fessler on facebook after I saw him rebuke someone on their spring break video. I added him and started talking to him because I never knew someone so bold. He begun sharing with me and encouraged me to listen to a sermon called “All things New” by Ryan Ringnald. Halfway through this sermon in March of 2010 I realized I wasn’t saved. Ryan was preaching about Matthew 5 and the fruits of true salvation.

All Things New

Matthew 5:3: Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Have you ever been brought to a place of utter brokenness where you had nothing BUT the Lord? Where you cried out to him in desperation?)
Matthew 5:4: Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Do you weep over you sin and the sin of those around you? Do you weep over the lost?)
Matthew 5:5: Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. (Do you have self control? Do have temperance, moderation? Do you know your place in relation to the Lord? Do you wait on him? You cant rely on your own strength).
Matthew 5:6: Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. ( Do you crave the word of God? Study to shew thyself approved! Do you go to the word of God for your joy? Psalms 119:174: I have longed for thy salvation, O LORD; and thy law is my delight.
Romans 7:22: For I delight in the law of God after the inward man)
Matthew 5:7: Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. (Are you condescending? Or do you think your better than other people? But by the grace of God you are not like the most wicked person)
Matthew 5:8: Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. (Is your heart perfect towards God and men?
Psalms 24:3: Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place?
Psalms 24:4: He that hath clean hands, and a PURE HEART; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.
Psalms 24:5: He shall receive the blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
Psalms 24:6: This is the generation of them that seek him, that seek thy face, O Jacob. )

Matthew 5:9: Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (Peace with God and peace with all men as much as you can without disobeying God)
Matthew 5:10: Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. ( Where are your trails? The world will hate you if you are truly saved. If you are standing for truth and holiness you will be persecuted!
Luke 6:26: Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! For so did their fathers to the false prophets. Your life will condemn the unsaved and they will dispise you for that.

Matthew 5:11: Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Matthew 5:12: Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

I could justify most of the beautitudes until he got to being “perseuctued for righteousness sake”. Which means people speak evil of you because of your righteous and holiness..not because you share with people or profess Christianity but because of RIGHTEOUSNESS. Sure I had been perseucuted I shared the gospel with strangers often at this point and was persecuted for that but its not the same.

At this point I felt so unworthy to even read my bible anymore my sin and the condition of my heart were ever before me and overwhelming. I turned off the sermon and got down on my face in my apartment weeping and crying out for the Lord to save me to rescue me from my sin and religiousness. Jeremiah 29:13: And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. I did this for three days not leaving my apartment until on the third day while I was praying I felt overwhelming peace and surpassing joy out of nowhere! I knew the Lord had saved me! PRAISE THE LORD!! I was completely different from this point on. He changed my heart and made me a new creation! (2 Cor 5:17). Immediately my eyes were opened to all sorts of sin and my heart of stone was replaced with a heart of flesh. (Ez 36:26). God quickly revealed to me to rid myself of the world through 1 John and Rom 1:32 “Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them”. At this point I deleted all my secular music and got rid of my cable and rejoiced in doing so! I picked up my bible and began reading and it was like I had never read these scriptures before because now I had the Holy Spirit and could actually read and discern the scriptures now!

During this time period I began sharing with my best friend Brittney Crawford. She was seeking truth as well and God quickly softened her heart and saved her just a few sort weeks later! Praise God!

I can honestly claim Phil 3:8 “ I count all things but loss for the Excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ”. That’s what it takes to be saved! Matthew 16:25: For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. My Jesus saved me and that’s all that matters! If I were to never receive any of the desire of my heart the rest of my life I would still worship my Lord AND Savior Jesus Christ who picked me up out of the dirt and cleaned me with his blood! Praise God for his mercy!!

This is the truth that I needed to hear before I got saved:


The very first level of Christianity it a complete death and denial of every one of one's desires and everything you have ever been. IT IS AN ABSOLUTE IMPOSSIBILITY FOR ONE TO BE SAVED YET LIVE IN A CONTINUOUS STATE OF WORLDINESS. Many justify “God will forgive me he has been with me since I was a child I got saved a long time ago”…Are you continuing to do all the evil you can get away with justifying that you are covered by God’s ‘grace’? Do you intentionally indulge in your favorite sin all the while relying on the fact that God is supposed to be merciful to you?

Christ looks down at you from Heaven thinking “Do you have ANY IDEA what your FORGIVENESS cost me? I had FLESH TORN off my neck and back and legs, I had a crown of thorns JAMMED into my head, I was STABBED in the side, GORE GUSHED from my HANDS and from my FEET and my BACK just to cover the ONE sin that you are so lightly indulging in but in truth these things that I went through in the physical are nothing compared to what I went through in the spiritual. If you multiplied all the physical things by a THOUSAND it still would not cover your ONE sin. Don’t you know that God the father beat me to PIECES, he obiberated me beyond recognition. He took the cup of wrath that had YOUR NAME on it and splashed it unto my perfectly sinless and BLEEDING face. And what’s worse, God did this to me with a SMILE, it pleased him to crush me FOR YOU.

Whosoever does not wake up in the morning and DIE to every one of their desires is not even worthy to walk in Jesus’s footsteps. Being a Christian means you are CRUCIFIED TO THE WORLD and the world is crucified to you. That means the world will think of you as a FOOL who has nothing to contribute to society and there’s nothing that the world could offer you that you desire. You should now have NOTHING to do with sin and everything to do with God.

It hasn’t been taught that Jesus said and meant that NO ONE CAN SERVE TWO MASTERS, for you will love the one and hate the other ALWAYS.

Ask yourself do you mind it when people use the Lord’s name in vain? Are you watching movies/listening to music that does so? Do you mind being seen in places that were built for sin? Do you not feel DEEPLY OFFENDED at the fornication in your FAVORITE MOVIES…THEN YOU HATE HIM.

If you love the world then you HATE Christ or else Jesus himself was wrong.

Isn’t it interesting when anyone brings a word of correction about your sin they are called “judgemental” and “unChristlike”? Its disguisting that its more of a scandal in today’s church culture to reprove sin than it is to laugh at it. The one who says sin is wrong is judgemental and the one who commits it and encourages others to do it is “Christlike” HOW DISGUISTING!

The Lord wants purity and holiness a separation from the world unto him.  He wants desperate abandonment of your thoughts and desires to follow him and he will lead you faithfully.  I mean how can one even have faith if they are trusting in themselves?  Whats the point of hope if your so sure you know what your doing?  Isn't God in control of your life anyway?

Never forget your first love , your Savior, your father and best friend.  He is waiting for you to seek him with your whole heart.



Jeremiah 29:12: Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
Jeremiah 29:13: And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:14: And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.
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