My faults & Thanks for prayers

[William]

I wanted to let everyone know my current status. I have not been on this forum very much, and well its cause I got caught up in some sin.

Since about May until just recently in July - I would say I have been "flirting" with sin, and I know I shouldn't, but I do give thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ for his: Mercy, Judgement, Grace, Long suffering, Love, Protection, Chastisement, among so many other things giving thanks including the sparring of my life, for not taking his Word from me, and I am thankful for his righteousness, and NOT my own.

I took a trip in April somewhere, and after coming back I was just exhausted and very weak. I was often doubting my salvation, and walking around each day breaking down in tears, and making a lot of excuses. I was confused, attacked, and felt no hope. Well at some point I decided to play some video games - started out small, and than it got worse.

Let me first say just yesterday I made a list out of some of my faults: I know my faults, and I must admit I do have problems with these.

I listed out seven (7) of my faults I could think of, and I know I have a whole lot more, but these are the worst of them.

I will list them out and what I desire to my fault:

Lust|A Holy & Sober Mind - A Chaste Mind
Pride|Humility & Fear of God
Faithless & Doubting|Faith
Hate & Division|Charity
No Patience, or Longsuffering| Longsuffering
Fear|Peace & a Sound Mind
Lazy [Slothfulness]| Diligence & Zeal

As you can see my two worst faults are Lust, and Pride. Not good ones to have.

One Pride blinds you, and then with doubting that's like a second pair of blinders on my eyes. Finally with me being drawn away or distracted with lust the Devil has a very good stronghold with that.

Yeah I have a problem lusting after women, and I wish I did have a wife, because I know it would really help combat against my lusting. I would say its my worst fault, and well its not easy to combat - Not to mention this world is so "Saturated" in it. Its everywhere, and on every side. Whether you get on the computer, turn on the TV, or walk out your door! its right in front of you.

A woman is a very strong temptation to a man, and its the easiest way for Satan to get to the Man - Remember Adam and Eve.

A woman is more easily led astray, and once Satan has that he can use that against the Man. I honestly believe it would be alot harder - not impossible, but lot more difficult for Satan to deceive the men without using the women, but its one of the oldest tactics he has used since the Garden of Eden. Do you think Adam would have ate the apple had Satan went to him instead of the woman first?

Women have more emotions [For the most part - there are exceptions] and well I suppose its more easy to draw away their heart. I guess that's why the man is head of the woman.

Than there is pride...sometimes I get these real quick thoughts that are very prideful, and well I try to suppress them, but yeah its really a problem. I think the biggest problem for me is submitting to other believers, and not so much God, but than again I have had issues with that for a while too.

Pride is dangerous, and I would say its my second greatest fault that I have. I can get prideful towards other believers, and well its not something easy to get under control. Examples of pride welling up in me...well like I have had thoughts of starting my own ministry [Seriously? who am I?] and I guess I want to do things for the Lord...which is not bad, and I do believe HE can do great things through me, but that is HIM, and not me. I have to be humble and willing though. Its him doing them though me, and I have to patience which is another fault of mine...You also have to have faith I suppose to be able to do these things.

I am impatient a lot sometimes. I get very impatient if I can't find something in say the Bible, and than get frustrated and give up. However for past two or three days I have been studying, and well one night I was getting impatient and almost ready to give up again. So I just prayed for some longsuffering, and than I believed in faith and did have patience and very carefully searched the scriptures and "Studied to show myself approved." and was like "A noble borean."

And Jesus Christ started to show me things little by little, and it was quite amazing I have to be honest, because before I would just be so impatient and wouldn't submit myself and just wait.

That brings me to my next fault of being lazy. Today was a good example. I slept in late even after waking up at a somewhat decent time, but instead I layed back down and slept even longer, and longer...Than i wasted the day watching TV, and getting distracted by a bunch of other things. Pretty much I had to confess I didn't feel like reading my Bible and was being lazy. I need to be diligent and NEED Zeal so that I will use every minute I have, because we may not have much time left as it is...

I did get in a little bit tonight though, and slowly studied for about an hour, or so. It was good I got in a little, but I was having a little trouble focusing like I should. I need to pray a little more I guess.

I did, and still do have a problem doubting as well. I need stronger faith, and I guess that's only going to come by reading the Word of God, and though prayer. I am a very doubting person, not unbelieving, but doubting. Faith will put it right in check, but often in prayer I will sometimes doubt whether God will actually hear me, or answer my prayer. You can't do that, because only by faith can you please him.

Then there are my other faults, and well basically those are not as bad as the ones I just talked about, but they also are issues that I need to work out as well.
-


Now to what happened with me recently. Well after coming back from my trip I fell into some sin - started with just playing video games, and than I got into this Roleplaying game called "Second Life" where I had my own avatar. I then got into a [what I would call] sub-world called "Goreans" inside of the game and began to play that.

I was viewing *****graphy as well - 

As I said Lust is my worst fault. I fell into this game from like May 14th to June 14th, and than took a break, but than got back into a little later like two or three weeks down the road - Just got out of it a few days ago, and I believe God is drawing me back to him - Thank the Lord for his mercy and kindness towards us all. At some point I destroyed one of my computer [my fast one  ] and I still have my slower one which has trouble running the game anyways...I freaked out and took the computer out to a bridge and ran it over with my truck, and than smashed it and threw it into the river.

Among other things I got into some sexual sins, and fornication. Also committing adultery with my heart...

And yeah I'm not sure I am even saved...that's what I am studying right now, and making sure I get my salvation down first and foremost.

I started to listen to some rock music again like crossfade, three doors down, three days grace, etc.

I do understand some things of the Bible, and I even have some slight chastisement on me, but that doesn't mean I am saved...could just be providential grace upon me.

An example of chastisment was I got sick for a while, and had trouble taking a #rap one day. I also got like these little heat bumps or something on me. Also I recently ordered a new faster computer.... so I could continue playing that game. Was supposed to ship out today on the 26th, and well now its delayed until the 4th of August. So that's grace from the Lord I believe.

Satanic attacks on me as well throughout this all, and a lot of UFO's following me around or appearing near my house. Honestly I should be dead already. I think the Lord was using this as a lesson, or someone has been praying for me greatly.

I want to say thanks for any prayers given here, and now you have some specific things to pray about - like Kalika said sometimes you need to confess the sin out, and well I hope this maybe serves as an example to someone else to be able to humble themselves.

I am very very embarrassed by things like these, and talking about my sins. There are a few sins I left out, because I am not sure I should share them as they are just too much for me to handle, or anyone else for that matter I think.

I also started hanging out with a lot of unbelievers, though I didn't really feel right about it, or the things coming out of their mouths when I was around them - as this is a small country and rural town that everyone knows everyone. You get idea of what I am talking about.

I was in no shape to witness, and I for sure don't want to be a "Hypocrite" while I am witnessing.

Just to add I do not like sin, and during this time I did not feel rather well. Infact I felt terrible for what I was doing, but felt trapped I guess. I remember not long ago falling down on the floor in the fiedel position, but maybe it was only out of fear I am not sure. I was sad as well, and well I felt so sad for my sins. I didn't take pleasure in them - just wanted to make that clear.

Jesus Christ bless you all, and stay in the Word, and strong in prayer, and take on the whole armour of God everyday.

[Christian40]

To William i did read that, to me it sounds like you are your own worse enemy. You know what is right but you do the opposite sometimes. You have had a battle with the flesh and continue to do so. I believe that listening to mp3 sermons will help you. I believe that you need to keep in contact with Christian people and to let them help you too. Iron sharpens iron. It is great to get encouragement and exhortation from Christian friends. You need to ask God that the Holy Spirit will change you so that you will lose interest in any area of sinning, and that the Lord be merciful and gracious and do it quickly and pray that you wont enter temptation. And then each day read the Scriptures well - faith comes by hearing. Ask God to help you. Replace your sin with righteousness in Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 1:
15 Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints,
16 Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers;
17 That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:
18 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,
19 And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,
20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,
21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:
22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,
23 Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

[William]

Yeah I guess you could say I got led astray, and not at a good time either. I need to get back on track now, and quickly, but also be patient waiting for the Lord. I trust the Lord with my life, and well I believe he can take me as far as he wants as quickly as he wants if I just have faith in him.

Yeah I know often what is right, but I continue to do something anyways. Not sure why that is, but I guess its like I'm slow to understand that a fire burns or something - an example would be me sticking my finger into a fire and even though it burns I do it again, and again because I can't help it.

Yes my flesh is weak, and it talks about in Romans not to use your instruments for uncleanness or iniquity. As for keeping in contact with Christian people - I don't have any in my area to speak to, and its me here by myself other than the Lord Jesus Christ of course. It would help if I did have some actual fellowship, but sadly there is not much here for me.

However at least there is this forum I suppose. I have been trying to listen to more sermons now, and reading the Word of God and studying it a little. Thanks for the advice Christian40 - I think I will get into a prayer as you just described. Yeah I for sure need the Lord's help and the righteousness of God - I feel like Paul said in Romans 7:24 about being a wretched man, but 100 times worse than that 

Thanks for the scriptures - that actually brightened my day 

[seekingtheanswers]

William I am the same as you. My biggest sins are:
1)lust/adultery--dreaming of that mr. right on t.v.
2)covet--i want to look like the women on t.v. and be sexy and seductive as they are, i want to be famous, i want to be rich; i day dream of being rich
3) rage--i sometimes reminice over my childhood and things of the past and build up my anger against those who abused or used me which leads to unforgiveness

Ok, so humuliating. I don't want to list any more. Anyways what has really helped me being a new Christian and all. I had to stop watching t.v. and listening to secular music on the radio. The radio thing was hard because I am used to bumping my radio right when I hop in my car. Soooo....I had to find a Christian radio station to listen to, I found one on the AM, seemed alright. While I am horrible at picking up the Bible and reading it, I find it easier and that I get more when I listen to online audio Bible, KJV of course. I listen to it while I'm doing stuff around the house or taking a break. This has helped me greatly. I still sin but I feel that little by little I can do it. Like you I don't want to be a hypocrite and try to preach to others while I am so filthy inside. I want to be a role model to my family. I have to take the beam out of my own eye. I have a  big problem with cursing. I am learning to control my anger and not automatically use curse words. I also find it a big help listening to sermons by scott and some baptist preachers. So I basically have to saturate myself as much as possible with listening to the word of God or good sermons. This is just me though. Just the other day I thought  'God I can't do it, I'm too sinful'. Then I thought 'No, I don't care I am not going to give in and help build satan's kingdom' because thats who I would be helping by giving into my sins. Right? I don't care if in heaven I am the lowliest position. I am not going to help satan the baby rapist, child killer...i think of the most evil things that go on in this world and I know its of satan. That motivates me to try and get salvation. LIke you I don't know if I'm saved. I believe all the things that I am supposed to but I don't feel the Holy Spirit within me. I can say I am saved to look good in front of other Christians but I don't want to fool myself or be delusional. I am trying.

[Christian40]

Thanks for the scriptures - that actually brightened my day

  I was thinking of what Scriptures to send you and that passage looked appealing and so i sent it. i even thought of mentioning that bit about Paul warring with himself to show you that he was human too, thanks for bringing it up,

I feel like Paul said in Romans 7:24 about being a wretched man, but 100 times worse than that

You know that Saul (Paul) would persecute the early Church and put Christians in jail - it was actually an attack on the Lord Jesus. So i think that your wretchedness is not 100 times worse, yet we Christians run a race and each man has been given certain tasks. I was reading about the body of Christ today.

1 Corinthians 12:
1 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you ignorant.
2 Ye know that ye were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led.
3 Wherefore I give you to understand, that no man speaking by the Spirit of God calleth Jesus accursed: and that no man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.
4 Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.
5 And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord.
6 And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.
7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.
8 For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit;
9 To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;
10 To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues:
11 But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will.
12 For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.
13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.
14 For the body is not one member, but many.
15 If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
16 And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
18 But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
19 And if they were all one member, where were the body?
20 But now are they many members, yet but one body.
21 And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
22 Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
23 And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
24 For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked.
25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
28 And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues.
29 Are all apostles? are all prophets? are all teachers? are all workers of miracles?
30 Have all the gifts of healing? do all speak with tongues? do all interpret?
31 But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way.

Galatians 5:
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Hey you can do things where you live that i couldn't do. Ask the Lord to show you where to live and what work to do. I have learnt the hard way of making the wrong choices and then having to call on the Lord to help me. You read the King James Bible you have alot going for you!

[Psalm 51:17]

William, I'll admit I myself have had a backslidden heart since mid-May - yes, there were some upcoming stuff I had to get into(I recently took a Statistics exam, will get to that later), and am taking courses this summer at the univ, so it's been a bit stressful.

In recent weeks, I will admit that I have slowly been putting the word of God on the backburner to put many hours into this statistics exam. Yes, I would read the bible every morning, but it wasn't as much, and would neglect it throughout the day thinking I did ok in the morning. I even had this thought creep up on me that God would help me to pass this exam so that I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore and would have more time to do his will.

Guess what...when all was said and done on last Fri afternoon at the testing center, I came out unsuccessfully passing it(again). I thought I nailed it this time, which is why my reaction was very surprising. All the way home I was angry b/c I thought it wasn't fair with all the hours I put it...HOWEVER...

The more I prayed and read scripture over the weekend, the more I realized that pass or fail, I really missed out on alot in recent weeks by not witnessing to others like I should(I was, but the zeal was NOT in me and I wasn't doing as much) and not getting into the word of God as much. If anything, I was conforming myself little by little to this world.

What would have happened if I had passed this exam? Yep - I would have been lifted up in pride, I would be turning in a direction of that Rev 3 Laodicean Christian...overall, this actually turned out to be a big blessing from the Lord as he brought me down and HUMBLED me. So ultimately, if there are any regrets, it was that I didn't put the Lord FIRST during this summer when I was putting too many hours into this statistics studying.

And another thing - at the Prometrics Testing Center where I was at, they were now doing BIOMETRICS stuff on those who come out from their respective exams. Yes, they were scanning hands(I saw their RIGHT hand being scanned...isn't that where the MOB will be placed in?). Here's the good news on my end - somehow, I ended up ELUDING this b/c I was so shocked coming out of the exam, I had no idea what I was doing, that I just ended up walking out of the office. If I had passed, who knows? I might have been so estatic that I may have taken the microchip if they had asked me. LOL

Anyhow, didn't mean to focus this on me, but I know what you're going through, as I went through similar experiences this summer. I too surfed web sites that no Christian(or anyone else) has any business doing so. And every time I gave into my lusts here, the Holy Spirit gave me a BIG spanking and then regretted every minute of it. I was even rude to others in my family, and sorely regret it. And if Dr. Johnson hadn't given that teaching warning on Christian Rock, I might have gone back and listen to some stuff I used to like.

What is that verse in Proverbs that says with Christians, if they fall 7 times, the Lord will help them up? Or was it in Psalms? Thank you Jesus for loving us, chasing us, and chastising us! Otherwise, we would be bastard children!

[Psalm 51:17]

William, also make sure you eat your 3 meals a day AND avoid all that MSG poison. Include vegetables, and anything eaten either in between meals or at night should be fruit(for example an apple).

No, I'm not saying doing all this would make one sin-free and flesh-immune, but at the same time, it can really affect one spiritually. Personally, as I've said in a couple of other threads, I was a victim of this forced-vaccination many years ago, and it's very important for me to not skip any meals(otherwise my brain just goes haywire - I'm speaking for myself here, not to you or anyone else). Nonetheless, make sure you stay consistent with this. Also take some good vitamins daily.

[Psalm 51:17]

And yes, I agree with C40 over listening to the right sermons(ie-meaning KJV-only, non-501c3 people) on a consistent basis.

Yes, our bibles should be foremost, however, a good kick-in-the-tail sermon is also good for the soul. 2 Sam Adams and 2 Bryan Denlinger sermons over the weekend did just that to me after I had almost 2 months of a backsliding heart of this world.

[Kilika]

1   Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. 
2   And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. 
3   And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, 
4   They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 
5   Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? 
6   This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with [his] finger wrote on the ground, [as though he heard them not]. 
7   So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 
8   And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. 
9   And they which heard [it], being convicted by [their own] conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, [even] unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 
10   When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 
11   She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. 
12   Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. 
John 8:1-12 (KJB)

"If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." John 8:36 (KJB)

I wanted to let everyone know my current status. I have not been on this forum very much, and well its cause I got caught up in some sin.

Since about May until just recently in July - I would say I have been "flirting" with sin, and I know I shouldn't, but I do give thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ for his: Mercy, Judgement, Grace, Long suffering, Love, Protection, Chastisement, among so many other things giving thanks including the sparring of my life, for not taking his Word from me, and I am thankful for his righteousness, and NOT my own.

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (KJB)

I took a trip in April somewhere, and after coming back I was just exhausted and very weak.(Luke 15:11-32) I was often doubting my salvation, and walking around each day breaking down in tears, and making a lot of excuses. I was confused, attacked, and felt no hope. Well at some point I decided to play some video games - started out small, and than it got worse.

Let me first say just yesterday I made a list out of some of my faults: I know my faults, and I must admit I do have problems with these.

I listed out seven (7) of my faults I could think of, and I know I have a whole lot more, but these are the worst of them.

Consider that sin is sin, so singling out a sin doesn't make any difference, particularly when you remember that all our sin is forgiven, thank you Jesus! While we are in this fleshly body, there WILL be sin, as the flesh is sinful and corrupt. That's why we have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost, which seals us unto the day of redemption. Yes, we are as sons chastized by our Father, because we are His sons, and our comfort is in knowing that our Father will not allow us to be lost, and in fact Jesus says that none of them is lost, but the son of perdition.

If it weren't for the Spirit in us, then we wouldn't even consider whether or not what we do is sinful or not. So I believe it is the Spirit that moves us to realize that doing certain fleshly things aren't of the spirit but the flesh, and thus moves us to repentance. Thank you Jesus.

I will list them out and what I desire to my fault:

Lust|A Holy & Sober Mind - A Chaste Mind
Pride|Humility & Fear of God
Faithless & Doubting|Faith
Hate & Division|Charity
No Patience, or Longsuffering| Longsuffering
Fear|Peace & a Sound Mind
Lazy [Slothfulness]| Diligence & Zeal

As you can see my two worst faults are Lust, and Pride. Not good ones to have.

19   Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 
20   Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 
21   Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 
22   But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 
23   Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 
24   And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. 
25   If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 
26   Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
Galatians 5:19-26 (KJB)

One Pride blinds you, and then with doubting that's like a second pair of blinders on my eyes. Finally with me being drawn away or distracted with lust the Devil has a very good stronghold with that.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it]." 1 Corinthians 10:13 (KJB)

Yeah I have a problem lusting after women, and I wish I did have a wife, because I know it would really help combat against my lusting. I would say its my worst fault, and well its not easy to combat - Not to mention this world is so "Saturated" in it. Its everywhere, and on every side. Whether you get on the computer, turn on the TV, or walk out your door! its right in front of you.

A woman is a very strong temptation to a man, and its the easiest way for Satan to get to the Man - Remember Adam and Eve.

A woman is more easily led astray, and once Satan has that he can use that against the Man. I honestly believe it would be alot harder - not impossible, but lot more difficult for Satan to deceive the men without using the women, but its one of the oldest tactics he has used since the Garden of Eden. Do you think Adam would have ate the apple had Satan went to him instead of the woman first?

Women have more emotions [For the most part - there are exceptions] and well I suppose its more easy to draw away their heart. I guess that's why the man is head of the woman.

Than there is pride...sometimes I get these real quick thoughts that are very prideful, and well I try to suppress them, but yeah its really a problem. I think the biggest problem for me is submitting to other believers, and not so much God, but than again I have had issues with that for a while too.

Pride is dangerous, and I would say its my second greatest fault that I have. I can get prideful towards other believers, and well its not something easy to get under control. Examples of pride welling up in me...well like I have had thoughts of starting my own ministry [Seriously? who am I?] and I guess I want to do things for the Lord...which is not bad, and I do believe HE can do great things through me, but that is HIM, and not me. I have to be humble and willing though. Its him doing them though me, and I have to patience which is another fault of mine...You also have to have faith I suppose to be able to do these things.

"Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised [is] wisdom." Proverbs 13:10 (KJB)

I am impatient a lot sometimes. I get very impatient if I can't find something in say the Bible, and than get frustrated and give up. However for past two or three days I have been studying, and well one night I was getting impatient and almost ready to give up again. So I just prayed for some longsuffering, and than I believed in faith and did have patience and very carefully searched the scriptures and "Studied to show myself approved." and was like "A noble borean."

2   My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 
3   Knowing [this], that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 
4   But let patience have [her] perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 
5   If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 
6   But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. 
7   For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. 
8   A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.
James 1:2-8 (KJB)

And Jesus Christ started to show me things little by little, and it was quite amazing I have to be honest, because before I would just be so impatient and wouldn't submit myself and just wait.

That brings me to my next fault of being lazy. Today was a good example. I slept in late even after waking up at a somewhat decent time, but instead I layed back down and slept even longer, and longer...Than i wasted the day watching TV, and getting distracted by a bunch of other things. Pretty much I had to confess I didn't feel like reading my Bible and was being lazy. I need to be diligent and NEED Zeal so that I will use every minute I have, because we may not have much time left as it is...

I did get in a little bit tonight though, and slowly studied for about an hour, or so. It was good I got in a little, but I was having a little trouble focusing like I should. I need to pray a little more I guess.

"And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books [there is] no end; and much study [is] a weariness of the flesh." Ecclesiastes 12:12 (KJB)

Yes, we are to search the scriptures, and ask God if we have questions, but we know we must have patience in the Spirit to know when to teach us. Don't get caught up in works by thinking you must do a certain amount of study. Jesus just wants to keep looking to Him. You have already been given the fullness of the Spirit, so technically, you already have the whole Word of God in you. But we must have faith the Spirit will teach us, and we must have patience in our growth of faith. I believe Jesus said we can't bear it all now for a reason, and that reaons is that we can't handle things like we think we can, so He teaches us and shows us truth as we are able to bear it.

7   Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. 
8   And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: 
9   Of sin, because they believe not on me; 
10   Of righteousness, because I go to my Father, and ye see me no more; 
11   Of judgment, because the prince of this world is judged. 
12   I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. 
13   Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, [that] shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. 
14   He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall shew [it] unto you. 
15   All things that the Father hath are mine: therefore said I, that he shall take of mine, and shall shew [it] unto you.
John 16:7-15 (KJB)

I did, and still do have a problem doubting as well. I need stronger faith, and I guess that's only going to come by reading the Word of God, and though prayer. I am a very doubting person, not unbelieving, but doubting. Faith will put it right in check, but often in prayer I will sometimes doubt whether God will actually hear me, or answer my prayer. You can't do that, because only by faith can you please him.

Without faith it is impossible to please Him, true. But don't lose sight of the fact that you had faith when you accepted Jesus as your Saviour, and that was pleasing to Him, and as a result you receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, which is Jesus Christ in you.

"I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin." Romans 7:25 (KJB)

Then there are my other faults, and well basically those are not as bad as the ones I just talked about, but they also are issues that I need to work out as well.

All sin is bad ones! That's why Jesus did what He did for us. Thank you Jesus
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Now to what happened with me recently. Well after coming back from my trip I fell into some sin - started with just playing video games, and than I got into this Roleplaying game called "Second Life" where I had my own avatar. I then got into a [what I would call] sub-world called "Goreans" inside of the game and began to play that.

I was viewing *****graphy as well - 

As I said Lust is my worst fault. I fell into this game from like May 14th to June 14th, and than took a break, but than got back into a little later like two or three weeks down the road - Just got out of it a few days ago, and I believe God is drawing me back to him - Thank the Lord for his mercy and kindness towards us all. At some point I destroyed one of my computer [my fast one  ] and I still have my slower one which has trouble running the game anyways...I freaked out and took the computer out to a bridge and ran it over with my truck, and than smashed it and threw it into the river.

Among other things I got into some sexual sins, and fornication. Also committing adultery with my heart...

And yeah I'm not sure I am even saved...that's what I am studying right now, and making sure I get my salvation down first and foremost.

I started to listen to some rock music again like crossfade, three doors down, three days grace, etc.

I do understand some things of the Bible, and I even have some slight chastisement on me, but that doesn't mean I am saved...could just be providential grace upon me.

8   Charity never faileth: but whether [there be] prophecies, they shall fail; whether [there be] tongues, they shall cease; whether [there be] knowledge, it shall vanish away. 
9   For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 
10   But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
1 Corinthians 10:8-10 (KJB)

An example of chastisment was I got sick for a while, and had trouble taking a #rap one day. I also got like these little heat bumps or something on me. Also I recently ordered a new faster computer.... so I could continue playing that game. Was supposed to ship out today on the 26th, and well now its delayed until the 4th of August. So that's grace from the Lord I believe.

11   My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 
12   For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son [in whom] he delighteth.
Proverbs 3:11,12 (KJB)

Satanic attacks on me as well throughout this all, and a lot of UFO's following me around or appearing near my house. Honestly I should be dead already. I think the Lord was using this as a lesson, or someone has been praying for me greatly.

"And if Christ [be] in you, the body [is] dead because of sin; but the Spirit [is] life because of righteousness." Romans 8:10 (KJB)

I want to say thanks for any prayers given here, and now you have some specific things to pray about - like Kalika said sometimes you need to confess the sin out, and well I hope this maybe serves as an example to someone else to be able to humble themselves.

"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." James 4:10 (KJB)

I am very very embarrassed by things like these, and talking about my sins. There are a few sins I left out, because I am not sure I should share them as they are just too much for me to handle, or anyone else for that matter I think.

I also started hanging out with a lot of unbelievers, though I didn't really feel right about it, or the things coming out of their mouths when I was around them - as this is a small country and rural town that everyone knows everyone. You get idea of what I am talking about.

33   For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine; and ye say, He hath a devil. 
34   The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners! 
35   But wisdom is justified of all her children. 
Luke 7:33-35 (KJB)

I was in no shape to witness, and I for sure don't want to be a "Hypocrite" while I am witnessing.

Just to add I do not like sin, and during this time I did not feel rather well. Infact I felt terrible for what I was doing, but felt trapped I guess. I remember not long ago falling down on the floor in the fiedel position, but maybe it was only out of fear I am not sure. I was sad as well, and well I felt so sad for my sins. I didn't take pleasure in them - just wanted to make that clear.

Jesus Christ bless you all, and stay in the Word, and strong in prayer, and take on the whole armour of God everyday.

"Peace [be] to the brethren, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 6:23 (KJB)